Naruto Insanity
by Nanya
Summary: The series Naruto has been told over and over again, but never like this.
1. Chapter 1

My first foray into the Naruto fandom. Hope you enjoy.

Naruto Insanity

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is just random crack, that's all.

I'll keep the story up this time. Sorry about removing it so fast, it needed to be tweaked a little.

You've seen Naruto retold lots of times, but you've never seen it done like this.

* * *

"My first impression of you three... Not impressed." One looked like the poster child for a mental patient, one looked gay and the last one needed more of a muscle build. "Meet me on the roof in ten minutes." He then quickly left.

Ten minutes later...

"So, why don't you three introduce yourselves?" Kakashi asked, looking the trio of Genin over. "Likes? Dislikes? Dreams for the future."

"HI! I'm Nappa!" The large bald guy said as he grinned savagely. "I like fighting, my modeling career, and playing catch with my giant bug that I caught. I don't like it when Pokemon use Self Destruct and I don't like it when my face gets cut!" He growled out. "And my dreams? I don't know."

Kakashi blinked and nodded slowly, obviously a mental patient. "And you?"

"My name is Kuwabara. Not Kuwahara! Kuwabara! I can prove that I'm not gay and that making my sword get long isn't gay at all!"

Kakashi turned green, he didn't need to know that.

"As for dreams, well, beating Urameshi." The redhead chuckled and rubbed his hands together.

"...And you?" He looked at the last one, who looked a lot more normal than the other two, but he also looked like he was lacking in muscles.

"I'm finally going to get to do something for once! My voice gives me improbable ninja powers!"

The cycloptic Jounin groaned, there was no way he was passing this team.

_____________________

Abridged Nappa, Abridged Kuwabara (Yu Yu Hakkusho Abridged) and Abridged Tristan (Yugioh)

This is just for the hell of it.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm just doing this for fun, no profit is being made off of this.

I upload as I get ideas.

* * *

Kakashi couldn't believe that he had passed these three. He privately blamed the Hokage, who told him to keep them out of trouble. At least the bridge builder, Tazuna, never had anything bad to say about his choice of guards.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

Kakashi just wished that Nappa would just SHUT UP on this trip.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we, ewww... I stepped in people." Nappa complained as he shook off his feet, causing two ninjas to appear from a small puddle.

"Sword, get long!"

"Ewww!" The two ninja gagged as they heard that, looking away from Kuwabara, who was glaring.

"Not THAT kind of sword, you perverts!" He yelled as an energy blade appeared in his hand, before he sliced both of the ninjas into two pieces each. "Heh heh... Too easy."

Kakashi nodded, but he just wished that these three would at least let him look cool once in awhile.


	3. Chapter 3

Again, randomness from my mind.

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we, oooh, a fish!" Nappa grinned and pulled it out of the water, before eating it whole. At least it kept him quiet for a few moments. "Ahh... Good stuff... Are we there yet?"

"No." Tazuna was seriously beginning to question if he should've taken the first team he could get.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we, ooh! A bunny!" Nappa grabbed the rabbit and squeezed it hard. "And I'll hug him, and pet him and call him George."

"Uh..."

"Quiet! Petting George time."

"...It's kinda purple." Kuwabara pointed out, before blinking. "Hey, guys, what sounds like a helicopter propeller and can't fly?"

"I dunno, gay Vegeta."

"I'm not gay!" Kuwabara yelled at Nappa and stepped in front of him, which probably saved his life as a giant sword flew right through where he was a moment ago. "YEEESH! Alright, seriously, who throws a giant sword like that? You could have hurt someone!"

"Damn, I missed..." A large man muttered as he landed on the handle of the sword.

"Momochi Zabuza..." Kakashi muttered, at last, something he could do. "Stay back, he's dangerous."

"Hey, Kuwabara, what's your senses say about his power level?" Nappa asked and threw the rabbit away.

"Let's see...." Kuwabara looked at the Ninja. His eyes widened. "It's over a hundred!"

"What one hundred?" Nappa blinked. "Wait, that's not so bad."

"Yeah, kick his ass."

"Yay!"

The first thing Zabuza had done was swing his sword at the large bald guy that was charging him. He found that it didn't work out too well, considering that his sword didn't even break the big guy's skin.

"Ah ah ah! You're doing it wrong!" Nappa said as he took the sword from his opponent. "You're supposed to go "my name is Nappa! And there is nothing my giant sword cannot cut!" And then SWING it!" He yelled while slamming the sword down, causing Zabuza to dodge out of the way. The missing nin's eyes (as well as most of the people there) widened comically as he saw the fifty foot trench that appeared from nowhere, and his sword was...

"Where's my sword?"

"Ooops! Didn't have a good grip on it!" Nappa smirked and pointed down.

"Too bad you didn't have a good grip on that sword! Sometimes mine slips from my hand unless I have a good strong grip too."

Nappa grumbled and nodded. "Yeah, I know, oh well."

"Water Clone Jutsu!"

"Hey! Kakashi! I just can't... Believe it!"

Everyone groaned from that. "That doesn't even fit!" Kakashi groaned, rubbing his head, why did the big guy make his head hurt so much?

Zabuza jumped back and started running through a bunch of hand signs while on the water, at least his water clones could keep the idiot busy. "Water Dragon Jutsu!" he screamed, a torrent of water in the shape of a Dragon rushed towards the land.

"My VOICE gives me super strength!" Tristan yelled as he pulled a tree out of the ground and THREW it into the water attack, causing it to fall apart.

"Holy shit! It really does!" Tazuna stared, wide-eyed, what the hell were these kids capable of?

"Sword, get long!" Kuwabara yelled as his mighty sword expanded, before exploding and spraying out towards the enemy ninja too fast for him to react.

...Or maybe it was because he was throwing up from the mental images.

One of the two.

Nappa groaned as he saw the enemy get pinned to a tree. "Aww... no more fun." He blinked as a bunch of needles hit Zabuza in various points, causing him to slump. "You killed the ninja! You bastard!"

"Forgive me for interfering, I have to say that..."

"OOOH! A Pokemon! I'm gunna catch it!" Nappa grinned, causing the masked person to sweat drop at the grin, especially as a red and white ball appeared in Nappa's hands. "Go Pokeball!"

The masked stranger jumped down, slashed through Kuwabara's sword, causing it to fall limply to the ground, before grabbing Zabuza and disappearing.

"Aww... I hate it when they use Teleport." Nappa groaned.


	4. Chapter 4

More insanity, Yay!

* * *

It had been several days since the failed attack by Zabuza, and Kakashi had spent that time teaching his three students Ninja arts...

Or rather, trying to.

Kakashi groaned as he recalled the tree-climbing exercise.

(---)

"Okay, you three are to climb these trees."

"Okay!" Nappa grinned and quickly climbed up.

"Without using your hands!" He screamed out, groaning as Kuwabara made two swords, one in each hand, before he stabbed forward, and pulled out, over and over and over, going hard and fast.

Which made Kakashi very sick to his stomach for no real reason.

"My VOICE gives me super jumping powers!" Tristan yelled as he bounced from one tree to another.

"Hey! Kakashi..."

"What?"

"I can fly!" Nappa grinned as he floated in the air near a tree.

"...Yes, Nappa, yes you can."

(---)

After that, Kakashi had made them take turns guarding Tazuna.

(---)

"I'm bored!"

"you don't need to follow me into town." Tazuna twitched as he looked at Nappa.

"You're boring. I wanna fight something!" He looked around, before idly smacking a poor fool who tried to take his butterfinger. "Uh uh uh! No one better lay a finger on my butterfinger!" He waggled his finger at the guy who was stuck in the wall to the store.

(---)

"I told you, we can't just give up on this bridge!"

"But, Tazuna, me and the boys are afraid of what he can do to us."

"Fine, just leave."

"Hey! We can settle this in a better way!"

Both Tazuna and the cowardly co-worker looked at Tristan. "Oh? How?"

Tristan held out some cards. "By playing a children's card game!"

(---)

"I'm not gay!"

"Then why do you keep stroking your sword?"

"I'm trying to keep my skills up!"

"...Right..."

(---)

Kakashi just wanted that dammed bridge to be finished. It was starting to get ridiculous. It didn't help that Nappa ate more than the whole country put together.


End file.
